so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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