So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
