New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
