that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
