i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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