So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
