remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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