my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
