so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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