She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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