i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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