I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My balls are so social today.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
