My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
