i was born a porn star she said
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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