If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
