the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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