Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
People in love make me want to vomit
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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