Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
