Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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