i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
