I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i love accidental penises.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
