Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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