I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
