I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is it because I queefed?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
