You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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