I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
