i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Mom said you looked used
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
