The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
