I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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