HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How naked do you want me to be?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
