dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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