yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
