people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
