dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
