Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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