you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
