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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
