We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
