god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
