it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
