How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
