I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
