we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
