not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
