you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
