The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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