how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
