clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
