Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
