What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
